I’m on top of the world!

Last year, I graduated from university. As the saying goes, the world was my oyster, or I thought it was supposed to be. I was interning at a (possibly now-defunct) creative agency that was doing some great work! I thought I had a promising future with them, but then they moved to the other side of the states and I had no plans to follow.

Going down.

Around that time, I also felt completely burnt out with absolutely no motivation or passion for anything. I always had a job, if not two, throughout college and barely made the efforts in school to make new friends, network, or even go above and beyond in my classes. So I did what I thought would solve my problems: go on a trip across Asia.

If anything, this trip added to my annoyance. Each day that passed during the trip was another reminder that I would soon have to return to the “real world” and face my problems. Of course, none of my problems were ever solved during that trip and I didn’t even encounter any revelations about life (which I was very much hoping for).

In the end, I returned home being broke, more irritated than ever, and hopeless.

A-ha! So there is a lower point than this.

I took a job that I ended up despising. Not because the job was that bad, but because I was just unhappy! No one around me seemed to realize how unhappy I truly was, and I can’t blame them because it was none of their concern. Anyway, my unhappiness made my outlook on everything much worse than it was. I realized, I needed a way out.

I had been living in the same place, around the same people, in the same setting for my entire life. People kept having expectations of me that I realized I didn’t care for. One of them being, “You should get a full-time, stable job after college,” which was what I thought I was supposed to do. I mean, that’s normal right? Everyone thinks that’s what they’re supposed to do.

Well, as I met more people, I realized that I’m not really supposed to do anything. There’s not one way to successfully live life since the variables are constantly changing.

So now here I am, in Japan of all places.I wouldn’t say I’m completely happy (since I’m still figuring out my life), but I am extremely content and a lot less stressed out than I was before.

What have I learned so far? Aside from –
(1) you should travel often,
(2) you should like your working environment, and
(3) you obviously can’t find something you’re passionate about if you just stay in the same uninspiring place and mope about it,
the biggest shock to me was:

Big cities are ironically lonely. As a suburban girl, I had always dreamed of moving to the city. I sincerely believed in my heart that I was meant to live in a city. Although, ever since moving to Tokyo, I’m having second thoughts. This is an overpopulated city where people are constantly invading my personal bubble during rush hour. Even though I may be pressed up against some guy’s elbow while also wedged between a girl putting on her make-up and another guy dozing while standing, I’ve never felt so isolated in my life. Don’t get me wrong though, after being here for a few months and making friends, it’s slowly starting to feel like home. However, that initial (and sometimes reoccurring) feeling of not knowing anyone in a giant city can be overwhelmingly lonely.

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I’m sorry I haven’t blogged in a while and this blog post was really dreary! I promise to be better about it (how many times have I said that before?)! I just wanted a moment to reflect on what I’ve done since graduation. It’s pretty interesting looking back on it. However, I probably come off as really whiny, but I feel as a lot of graduates probably feel/felt the same way. Or maybe it’s just me? Who knows.

This is also the most writing that I have done in months, so hopefully it’s coherent!

Photos here are from my visit to the Tokyo Sky Tree which I have a video of here! I seem to be more efficient at video editing than at blogging, so I’ll try to balance it out.